It could be true... Sir Richard Branson to launch new airline, Granny Atlantic
A Virgin Group spokesperson today announced that Sir Richard Branson is about to introduce a spiky new, updated brand to accommodate the fast growing baby boomer market. As he embarks on his 62nd year, Sir Richard is reportedly beginning to view life differently. He was recently quoted as saying, "I'm getting too old for all this partying and young blondes. I seriously wonder if there is a lot of future in the Virgin brand. It's had a great run, but now it's time for something completely different, something more in keeping with my own image and the shape of the times. In short, it's about time we all grew up."
Close wraps have been kept on the potential new brand, but the smart money is on "Granny"®, according to some insiders who should know. This eye-catching brand would, it is believed, appeal both to the older traveller and to all those younger consumers who rely on their well-stacked grannies to provide their travel needs.
- Sir Richard Branson is planning to introduce a new brand targeting the baby boomer market.
- The potential new brand is rumored to be called "Granny"® and is expected to appeal to older travelers and younger consumers.
- The first product under this brand is likely to be a trans-Atlantic airline called "Granny Atlantic" that will focus on providing high-quality tea and a nostalgic in-flight experience.
- The future of the Virgin brand is uncertain and it may be folded into the Granny brand or phased out completely.
- The Granny brand is expected to expand into other sectors such as telecoms and eyewear.
- This information is part of a light-hearted collection of news items from CAPA's boardroom strategy journal.
The first product to be rolled out is likely to be a trans-Atlantic airline, "Granny Atlantic". Instead of promoting mid-range sparkling white wines, it would focus on providing high quality cups of tea, something its main competitor has been trying unsuccessfully to do for decades. Scones with cream and 1950s in- flight movies starring young hunks like Ronald Reagan and Gregory Peck will feature strongly. All flights would be scheduled to arrive by 7pm so that travellers can be in bed by 9pm.
As for the future of the Virgin brand, its days apparently may be numbered. There is a possibility it will be folded into the Granny stable, for example for an elite travel sector such as Virgin Granny®. But it may equally simply be deflowered, becoming one more vanishing part of Britain's proud history.
A glimpse of the new advertising campaign, also featuring Grannytea®
According to the Virgin deep throat, the Granny® brand is to be progressively rolled out into other areas, including telecoms, a new sexy line of glasses and Grannyrave®, a futuristic party game for the next generation.
Preparing the rollout of Grannyphone®
Grannygoggles®
Grannyrave®
And the number one question from 2011 on everyone's lips: "Does Air France refund last-minute first-class cancellations on New York-Paris services?"
This collection of "It could be true..." items comes from the light-hearted closing pages of CAPA's boardroom strategy journal, Airline Leader. CAPA is running a series of these items over the New Year holiday. For more quirky news - real and fake - see CAPA's funny blog Birdstrike.